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牽你的手:醫師的另一「伴」Holding your hands - the other couple of doctor


潘俊伸

執筆/
書田診所小兒科主任醫師 潘俊伸

男醫師是許多父母及女孩心目中結婚的好對象。在農業時代,一有男學生考上醫學院,馬上就成為眾家媒婆鎖定的目標。其實現代男女醫師結婚的對象中,互為同學或曾經是同事關係的超過五成,其結婚對象婚前的職業和醫療相關產業有關的也高達六成,顯示除了地緣關係外,醫師們考慮到未來工作好幫手的比例也不低。在在顯示出醫師們的戀愛自主度其實高於傳統的媒妁之合。

在醫師們充滿緊張壓力、常常要做決定性選擇的生涯中,無不希望能有一位智慧、善良、大方兼備的伴侶一起過生活。高壓工作之餘有另一半與家人,悠閒享受天倫之樂,若再能保有自我空間,又心靈契合,該是目前絕大部分醫師們嚮往的婚姻生活願景。

每天穿漂漂亮亮的,喝下午茶、逛街、買名牌等,那是舊有的、刻版的醫師娘形象了,現代的醫師配偶大都有自己的一片天,無論是科技新貴、SOHO族、職業婦女或全職主婦。因為醫師自己本身的條件不錯,若另一半沒有自己的本事,或獨力自主的能力,是無法互相扶持、甚至撐起一個家庭的。一般而言,醫師的另一半不論外表、工作能力或內在、氣質上,都具有一定的水準。

在個人的認知中,醫師們找伴侶從相遇到相許,應當對未來共同的婚姻生活及價值觀均須有共識,夫妻之間應是互補的,若是個性極端地南轅北轍,那麼感情通常都不能穩定發展,即便結婚,婚後相處起來也會問題叢生。

醫師們事業有成,但不代表婚姻生活必定美滿,有些醫師忙於醫療工作與學術研究,分身乏術無暇照顧家庭與另一半,更别提陪伴孩子的成長;有些醫師一個人辛苦的留在台灣看診,大老遠的將醫師娘與孩子送至國外長期定居求學。有些醫師夫婦兩個人每天各自忙看診和值班,一星期一起吃飯、在家的日子只有三、四天;也有醫師夫婦是分居兩地,只因兩人執業的院所不同、同樣的高職位、高收入,誰也不願換工作場所。有些因故勞燕分飛,偷腥出軌的情事時有所聞。醫師的家庭生活千百種,其中的甘苦,外人是看不清也不了解的。

醫師家的生活真的不是外人想像的那麼富裕輕鬆,相反的,另一半必須獨自承擔更多的勞務與責任。因此「醫師的家」要能夠維繫長久婚姻幸福須要靠智慧。最重要的是,照顧家庭的這一半要能消融不切實際的「公平」期待與要求,以互相體諒、尊重彼此的心態,面對問題並有效的溝通,方能協調及討論出雙方都能接受與遵守的相處之道。

傳統一般人對於醫師多半是尊崇與敬重,對於醫師的另一半則多少有一點刻板印象與要求,因此身為醫師的伴侶或多或少都會有壓力。然而「醫師的另一半」終究只是一個虛幻的頭銜:如何看淡、如何放下身段及不在意世俗的眼光,好好安排時間,充實能力,讓日子雖過得忙碌,還是能兼顧家庭與肯定自我,又讓醫師無後顧之憂,才是「幸福牽手過一生」的重要人生課題。

 

 

Holding your hands - the other couple of doctor

The doctor is an ideal marriage partner for many girls who their parents thougt. Back in agricultural times, once a young boy was going into the medical college, he would immediately become a target for matchmakers. In fact, nowadays, 50% of the spouse for both male and female doctors are classmates or ex-colleagues 50% and up to 60% of their spouse who worked in medical related industry before marriage. This shows that in addition to the environment factor, most of doctors will select a partner who will be helpful to their career. All in all, marital autonomy plays a more important role in doctors’ selecting their future partners than arranged marriage.

Doctors are always working in a stressful environment and need to make decisive choices all the time so that they all hope they can have a wise, kind and generous spouse in their lives. Coming home after duty, spending time with husband or wife and the family, keeping space to self and living with a soul mate is probably the dreaming vision of marriage for most of doctors.

Being well-dressed, going shopping for boutiques and having afternoon tea all the time were the stereotypes for some wives of some doctors. Most spouses of modern doctors have their own career in work, such as being high- tech millionaires, being SOHO workers, or full-time housewives. The doctors should be very capable, if their wife or husband is incapable or so dependent on them, they are unable to support each other and take care their family all alone. Generally speaking, the spouses of doctor should have better look, capability and internal quality than average .

In my own opinion, doctors and their spouses should reach an agreement on future life between each other. The couple should be complimentary. If both of the couple have extremely different personalities, the relationship may be go unstable and even till they get married, problems will keep coming out.

Doctors have a successful career that doesn’t mean they will have a happy marriage life. Some doctors are occupied in medical work or academic research that sacrifices their time to take care of family or their partners, spend less time to companying their children. Some stay in Taiwan alone and send their wives and children all the way to foreign countries to settle or study. Some doctor couples are busy with their own practices and duties, only having meal together once a week or they stay in their house for 3 or 4 days weekly while some are living in different places as they work in the different hospitals and none of them would give up such high position and income to live together. Some eventually parted and there are stories and gossips of affairs. There are thousands of different lives in doctor’s family and the bystanders could never understand the weal and woe.

The family life of doctor is not that rich and easy as you thought. On the contrary, the other couple should be taking more household chores and responsibility. Therefore, wisdom is the key to happiness of doctor’s family. Most importantly, the spouse taking care of the family needs to eliminate unreal “fair” expectation and demands, show the understanding and respect for each other and have communications to figure out the way to be with each one that is accepted and abided the other.

Doctors are traditionally respected by people but more or less leave a stereotype impression of their spouse. That sometimes will be very stressful to be the other couple of a doctor. How to ignore the mundane standpoints, make use of the time wisely to lead a fulfilled life and mind, take care of family without losing oneself and also let their couple doctors did not have worries behind, all are the key lessons to earn for a happy life ever after.


最後更新日期:2012/10/15 上午 12:00:00
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